11/20/13

Thirty

She was running, her legs barely moving her across the grass.  It was dark outside, the moon was almost full, the stars shone brightly in the sky.  The light from the moon shone bright enough for her to see the trees, the bench where she and Keith had spent so much time together.  She could see the path into town, it was just in front of her. 

Just as she neared the path she felt the tug, it was like someone jerked her backwards by the back of her shirt.  Only they weren’t tugging by the back of her shift, they were tugging by the skin on the back of her neck.  She was pulled backwards, flat onto her back.  She could hear the others breathing and someone laughing harshly as she lay there in the grass.  She looked up at the stars, noticing the spaces where stars were missing from the sky due to the clouds.  There were not many of those blank spaces, but they were there none the less. 

She glanced over at the moon, it seemed to call out to her, to try to speak to her in some way.  She looked at it, watching the shape of it transform before her eyes.  At first it was a half moon, a classic shape she had seen in hundreds of fairy tales, in books and movies.  It slowly became fuller, so that the shape because lop sided, more like what she had expected when she looked up into the sky. 

Her eyes widened as she watched the color of the moon change, it went from a pure white shifting to yellow.  The yellow slowly transformed into orange and finally it took on the color of blood.  Larissa watched, unable to explain what she saw to herself.  She kept her eyes on the moon, though she felt people touching her.  She felt the people who were after her binding her limbs together. 

She knew what would happen next.  They would torture her and take away her soul, her connection to the rest of herself.  She felt tears slipping from her eyes as she remembered all of the beautiful parts of herself she had met.  All those gracious beings that were all connected to her, that loved her for who she was, who wanted nothing more than to be with her at all times.

There was nothing that she could do.  This human form of her could not get her any closer to freedom.  The short legs could only move so fast, it was not fast enough to out run the men who chased her. 

She felt the ropes bite into her legs, into her arms as she lay and studied the moon and thought of sadness and emptiness. 

The warm, gently pressure on her shoulder shook her.  Larissa opened her eyes and found that she had been dreaming again.  Ever since they had left the campus it was the same dream over and over.  The others had taken turns waking her from the dream when it happened.  This time it was John.

“Was I screaming again?” Larissa asked.

“No.” Said John. “I just had a feeling it was happening again.” 

They sat in the backseat of Keith’s car.  Tiana was now driving and Keith lay asleep in the passenger seat.  Larissa looked out the window and saw only darkness.  There were no lights.  They had been driving for hours, but Tiana was insistent that they were not safe yet.  She had a destination in mind and she was not going to stop until they reached it.  Keith had driven for about six hours before he had given up.  Tiana had been driving for at least that long. 

It was grueling.  Larissa was not used to being in a car for as long as they had been.  In fact she was not used to sitting still for as long as they had been.  No wonder she was dreaming about her legs no longer working.  She doubted that she would even be able to walk into the restroom at the next gas station, they had been sitting still for so long. 

She let her eyes roam the inside of the car, looking at the gauges, at the clock.  Noticing the way the green light from the dash lit Tiana’s face.  Tiana was beautiful and she seemed to be smart as well.  Larissa wondered what her story really was, she didn’t know anything about the woman at all. 

As if reading her mind, Tiana started talking.

“I don’t know that my story is really that interesting Larissa.”

“Did you read my mind?”

“In a way.  Right now you are under my protection, literally under my shield.  Those that are under my shield are, well, they are more available for me to read and understand.  Since the three of you are with me and protected by me I can see and hear what you are thinking, feeling to a greater degree than I would be able to normally.”

“Does it always work that way?”

“With me it does.”

“Have you always had this ability?”

“In a way yes.  I can see that you will not let this go without learning more.  Since we’ve a long was to travel before we get where we are going, I suppose a story would not hurt.”

Tiana was silent and Larissa waited.  She could feel John shift in his seat next to her.  Keith rolled his head up and seemed to come to attention.  Larissa wondered if Tiana put them all on notice that she was going to tell a story and they had better listen if they wanted to know. 

“I had always known I was different” Tiana started, “Isn’t that the way all of these stories start out?  I always knew I was different from the other children.  Different from the adults that were in my community.  Different.  Not only in looks, because I have always been beautiful, but also in aura.  When I was a small girl people would stop me on the street and stare at me.  Other children would want to touch me, as though I were an apparition of some sort and they wanted to know if I were real. 

That is how I felt as a child.  Like a whisp, a fairy.  As though if the right person came along and said the right words I would simply float off the earth.  It was a strange feeling to have, feeling so impermanent. 

One day an old wise woman in the community, a woman who had been away from the community for many years, stopped by to see my mommy.  I walked in while they were sitting at the kitchen table, chatting up a storm.  Gossiping, talking about the locals.  I didn’t know it then, but in my mind’s eye I can see the snifters of brandy that sat before them.  They were drunk, or buzzed at the very least.

I walked into the kitchen, looking for a snack or a drink or something.  I have no idea what I was in search of when I look back.  I just remember wanting something and heading into the kitchen to get it.  My mommy took no notice of me, she rarely took notice of any of her children.  She’d had it with most of us.  She was tired and broke.  My dad wasn’t much better.  They worked hard and never got anywhere.

When I walked in that day though, that old woman saw me.  She looked right at me as no other person on the planet had ever done before.  I must have been eight or nine years old.  She looked at me, looked me right in the eye and stared.  I stopped short, afraid to move with her gaze on me like that.  It was frightening for a child, to have an adult stare you down the way she was staring me down.  I didn’t know what to say, or if I should try to make her stop.

Then, just as abruptly as she had started staring at me, the old woman nodded her head at me and turned to keep talking to my mommy.  She looked away and I had the feeling that I had always had before, that I was only slightly existing in the world I was in.  Only now I knew that it was true.  When that old woman had her eyes on me everything solidified.  I understood everything like I had never done before. 

I got what I needed from the kitchen and made my way out the back door.  I sat on the back stoop and watched the light play in the trees.  I listened to the bugs in the grass.  I heard the breeze blowing through the trees.  I figured at any moment a large gust of wind would come along and take me away with it.  Then I could stop pretending to be the same as everyone else around me.

The old woman didn’t stay much longer with my mommy.  Before she left though, she stopped on the stoop and told me that I was to come and visit her the next day.  She needed some helping hands with housework and my mommy had told her I was just the one to do it.  I didn’t say anything, just nodded.  I knew that if my mommy had told someone something, it would happen.  Even if I didn’t want to go, and I didn’t, I knew I would.  No one ever crossed my mother.  No one but god ever did. 

The next day I found myself in the parlor of the old woman’s house.  I was expecting  that I would be dusting, or cleaning the floors.  Instead she had me sit across from her on a beautiful antique couch.  The legs on the couch were so skinny I thought I would break it just by sitting down, so I tried not to.  For a long while I sat just above the couch, holding my weight up off the cushions, praying the lady would tell me what I was there to do and I could move on.   

She never did.  I never did any cleaning for the woman.  Instead she told me I had better relax and get used to sitting on the fine cushions as I would be visiting her a lot.  At least I would be visiting her every day until she was sure I had a good grasp on who and what I was.  Only then could I be on my own again.

“Your mommy has left you alone for too long.  You deserve better.  You deserve to know who you are and where you come from child.” The woman would say. 

So my training began.  She started with the tribal traditions, she felt it was important for me to understand who my ancestors where.  She taught me about the ancient rituals they practiced and why.  For a year we followed all of the old ritual holidays.  I learned all of their sacred rites, what all the symbols meant, and all the chants that followed along. 

After that she moved into the more present modalities of metaphysical practice.  She taught me about witch craft, which she said was really a study on herbalism.  She taught me about poultices and natural remedies.  She opened my eyes to the world of essential oils and how they were used both in ancient times as well as present day.  She told me about cure alls for everything, including cancer, that included plants that we found in her gardens. 

She taught me about healing touch.  How some people could control the energies in their bodies with their breath and use that breath to heal others.  Some people could simply lay a hand on another person and that person would become whole.  For others it was a process.

When I was a few years older we started traveling together.  She would take me on trips to conferences where the new age people would be flocking in droves.  I would look at crystals, drink teas, have tarot card readings and so much more.  I began to learn how the people practiced their trades and I started to play with it on my own as well.

One day the woman died.  It was unexpected.  She had had a tumor in her brain and had never told anyone, not even me what was happening.  After her death all of her worldly possessions became mine.  She had willed everything to me, including a small inheritance. 

My family tried to take it from me.  My mother wanted me to sell the house and give her the profits for raising me as she had.  My father, though I rarely saw him, wanted me to give him the cash so he could invest it all for me.  I was so heartbroken from the loss that I did nothing.  I moved from my parent’s house into hers and lived there.  I stayed there for many years.  I continued to go to school, but I separated from my own family.  The old woman was the only real family I had ever had. 

Slowly I realized that it wasn’t enough.  I needed more.  I started searching for others who were like me, interested in the other part of the world, the hidden part.  The part where people could be healed by plants and touch instead of machines.  I searched and searched and finally came across the Planetary Lightworker Organization.

It sounded hokey to me at first.  I thought perhaps these people were just taking advantage of the less fortunate.  But the more I got to know the members the more I understood what the mission was.  When I finally went out to meet them, I was so comfortable with what they represented that I loved with one of the members for two months. 

My life was forever changed by these people.  They showed me what my gifts really were and how to use them to protect myself and others.  They made me a part of something bigger than I ever thought I could be.  When two months were over I had made up my mind.  I wanted to be with these people from that point forward.  I sold the house and most of the possessions and moved to with the Organization.

It wasn’t till I got there that they really came clean about everything.  It wasn’t till I made the commitment that they told me about the corporation and the people who wanted to destroy their way of life.  I was shocked that they had kept so much from me, I was torn about staying with people who were obviously in trouble. 

In the end, though, I figured out that their fight was my fight.  Their search for freedom was the same as mine.  We wanted all the same things.  I decided to stay with them and help them in any way I could.

And so here I am.  Driving a car full of people across the states to get to the headquarters.  Busily keeping everyone shielded so that we are not found.  Hoping that they will be ready for us when we get there, or at least have some ideas about what we are to do next.”

The car was silent again.  Tiana stared out the window to the empty blackness in front of her.  Keith lay his head back down and was soon softly breathing deeply.  A sign that he was asleep again.  John stared out of his window, deep in thought. 

Larissa did much the same.  She wondered how her story would go, if she were ever going to be able to tell anyone about her beginning. 

She wondered more about how it would end.